At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize