I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's get the cat blown out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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