I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
