I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
