i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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