He is an equal opportunity slut.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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