i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
