omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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