Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
