You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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