Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
