the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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