She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
