Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
