imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize