Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
