Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
