White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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