True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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