Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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