I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
