p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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