turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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