My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
