I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
