9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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