Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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