im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
