Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
