I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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