She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
