Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
