you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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