my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize