i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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