People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
