I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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