Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
