She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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