mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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