Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize