did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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