im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hope mine doesn't look like that
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
