Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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