Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
