This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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