fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
