Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
