You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
