So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i think my cat just said my name.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
