Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize