If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
