I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize