i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i drank out of a bidet.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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