bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
