Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
