Umm I'm too high to move.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
