You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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