I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
