So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
