if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
