I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
