no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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