when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
