If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
