Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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