i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
