the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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