my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
