UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
