rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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