so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
