i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
