Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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