you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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