didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize