y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
