In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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