just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
