broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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