I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
