dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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