you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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