My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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