but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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