I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
