I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize