some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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