his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
