Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize