Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
