i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
