so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
